Fearless Females (22): The Movie Starlet

PLEASE NOTE: There is no post for Fearless Females (Day 21) SUBJ: Precious Moments


March 22 — If a famous director wanted to make a movie about one of your female ancestors who would it be?  What actress would you cast in the role and why? 


A famous director couldn’t make a movie about this particular redhead, it would need to be a fellow comedian/ comedienne in the director’s seat. (Robin Williams, Billy Crystal or Whoopi Goldberg could direct it, if they could stop themselves from ad-libbing off the script!).

But to emphasize the fearless nature of the leading lady, the director(s) would need to assemble a small cast of supporting characters:
Daniel Day-Lewis as my father (because when I was young, my father looked just like Abe Lincoln),
Sir Ian McKellan as my maternal grandfather, James (as I remember him: very thethodical, very quiet, very old and always tinkering on an old pickup in the barn);
Ewan MacGregor as James (in his younger years based on Mum’s recollections);
Rachael Weicz as my grandmother, Grace (in her younger years for same reasons immediately above);
Olympia Dukakis as my step-grandmother (with James in older years);
Martin Sheen as William, Sir Anthony Hopkins as James and Dustin Hoffman as Bobby — my 3 uncles;
Sandra Bullock as Barbara and Lisa Ann Walter (“Bobby” from “Shall We Dance?”) as Shirley — my 2 aunts;
Stana Katic (“Detective Kate Beckett” from TV show “Castle”) would portray my sister, and
Taylor Kinney (“Kelly Severide” fm TV’s “Chicago Fire”) would be my brother, while
Colin Morgan (“Merlin” from BBC’s “Merlin”) would be me

[*cellphone ringing*]

Excuse me, I need to take this.

[Aside in cell conversation]
Hello, Sylvia, what’s wrong? What? No, I wasn’t told Leonardo DiCaprio agreed to take my part. He what? He won’t be here until NEXT week?!? But, the crews start filming tomorrow with Colin Morgan. No, I understand. You’ll need to call Mr. DiCaprio’s agent back and tell him … [click] Hello? Hello?

[*hangs up phone and makes note to Self*] Hire new casting director

[Returns to group]

Where were we? Yes.

The female lead would be Bette Midler, for obvious reasons — her physical appearance and versatile temperment namely: her short stature, “bountiful endowments,” her smartass attitude, and flaming red hair, of course.

Based upon the Devine Ms. M’s acting experience, she has given us characters that are geniunely loving, caring and sincere, surprisingly funny and unbelieveably risque to the point of being sexually blantant, and yet be sickeningly sweet when agitated, or — Oh, Heaven forbid, if you piss her off! — a Witch from Hell, who will plague you for the rest of your days!

If the director(s) were to take all these character traits and combine them into one fearless female, the end result would be a charming woman that I have known all my life as “Mum!”

[cellphone rings again]

Excuse me.


Hello? Yes, oh, hello, Brian.

[Covers phone] It’s Brian from Accounting. [Uncovers phone]

No, I have not seen Sylvia. She called a moment ago to tell me that Leo — uh, huh, uh huh. You don’t say? Uh huh. Oh, that bad? Uh huh. Okay. Uh huh. Yeah, so what do you want to cut first? Really? Uh, huh. Okay. Thanks for the heads up, Brian! Bye.

[Returns to group]

Okay, Everybody, wrap it up! You can pick up your pink slips and money owed to you in Building Six.  We do not have the budget to make this film. Sorry.

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